Monthly Archives: February 2010

F1: February 24, 2010

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Academic week eight of ten, and in fortunate light, everything is coming to a close relatively nicely. The weather has somewhat improved over the days, but it is still far from “spring” status. It seems that the next couple of weeks, if managed well, will conclude to a nice, one-and-a-half week spring break. But until then, there is still plenty to focus on.

  • In COMM-114 (Argument and Critical Discourse), we have our final extra credit arguments to present tomorrow. There have been a total three of these speech/informative presentations – one each week. My group won the first round, however, many of our members were very busy and burnt out to give the second round any effort. We thought that we’d just opt-out since it’s likely that our voting class would have a bias against us anyway, since we already won extra points. But, we didn’t know that if we opted out, we would lose our points from the prior week. What did we do?… We winged it. Yeah, it wasn’t pretty – but even our T.A. said it wasn’t that bad for being presented without research or rehearsal. At least we got to keep our points.
    • There was one group last week that put a lot of work and practice into their presentation, but as a class we voted the winners to be a different group. Yesterday, one of the kiddos from the group that lost had a little chit-chat with our T.A. – complaining that it was unfair that they put so much effort forth and didn’t win. Can you believe this guy talked our T.A. into giving them extra credit points?! They were awarded half the amount of what a winning team gets – so five points instead of ten. I was still a little angry because I feel that it’s just tough luck if the class didn’t pick you. Now I feel like there needs to be a solid guideline in the class justifying who will get the effort points. They are awarded just out of her discretion? Now that is unfair.
    • Tomorrow’s presentation… We are going to win! No points for you whiny Group A! My group meets tonight at 9pm – this class requires us to meet so often to get our work done, that 9pm on Wednesdays has become similar to a ritual.
    • We have our big presentations covering our term-long research next week. I’m pretty nervous – fortunately I have the conclusion part of our argument… I feel like this is my strong-point.
  • In my NMC-301 (Writing for the Media Professional) class, we’re in our own small groups and have been working on one, giant project all term. We have lots left to record – not to mention editing! But I know we will pull it off… And it’ll be great! I’ve never failed a project like that in the past… Never will.
  • I register for classes tomorrow evening – I didn’t set up a counseling session this time – but I know what I need to take for requirements and whatnot – I just need to let them know that they made a mistake on my degree. But I’m also quite happy because I worked two schedules that I’d be willing to take next term. This way I have like a fail-safe… If one fails I’ve at least got the other… And no Friday classes again. This is so good! I can imagine the spring and summer weather already… and no strings to hold me down on Fridays. This should be fantastic.
    • I’m also considering volunteering at KBVR. I need experience for the real-world and practicum credit. The sooner the better. I feel like I’m starting a little late if I want to get a summer internship. Maybe… Lets hope for the best.
  • Recently, I’ve taken up running – mainly in the late afternoon or evening. It is absolutely phenomenal because I can jog now and not get so tired. When I was heavy, I just plainly never considered running. Towards the end of freshmen year, I tried running at a nearby track. My legs… They would hurt so bad. And my lungs and heart… They just couldn’t provide for my heavy self. Now it’s so different. The only thing that’s really holding me back are side-aches and mucous stuck in my mouth because I can’t spit. Talking about this all I want to go running right now, even though it’s raining. Dry and warmer weather ASAP, please!

Glass and the Jeans

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Just past 9pm, class was dismissed. Minutes later, goodbyes and fist-bumps exchanged, I took step towards the doors of Strand Agriculture Hall located just down a few feet of stairs. I look forth to see the bordering panes of aged glass around the exit of this dated building. The absence of sunlight blackened the windows looking out, leaving just the glossy appearance from reflections of the floor and walls. It was only as I approached did I turn my vision from the rubber slip-guarded steps to the pane of glass that harbored directly in front of me. And in the instant my eyes set forth and caught focus, I was taken aghast by my apparent twin in reflection. My mind instantly pulsed with remembrances of my image time ago – the days I have subconsciously forgotten – the days that I will never allow to return.

From the glass, the reflection I mistakenly viewed weighed in at 223 pounds, wore a lint-balled, black zip-up sweatshirt, and size-38 blue jeans that were both too big and too small at the same time. The rear of these pants was always baggy and loose, though, my large legs would fill the rest of the jeans quite considerably. It was a miserable battle as I would be seated and my thighs looked like rolling waves in the ocean, cling wrapped by denim – the seams of the pants became pressed to their max, and the line of embroidery appeared like a row of rivets on an airplane’s fuselage. Standing and walking, the jeans assumed a role similar to wearing a potato sack. With each stride, my colossal thighs would brush together, the texture of denim striking itself, sounding a sort of wisping and zipping blend of noises. The self-consciousness of such audible movements mentally beat me down. When I would look in the mirror, my sides would bow out after the hips and the side pockets would poke outwards with no more space left to reside. Then, one day the front button just seemed a bit harder to hook, and my envy in the appearance of others became unbearable. This was the last straw.

I’ve lived so much of my life in shame behind this damn fat – it’s over! My mental health was consistently in shambles as I endured this evil cast upon me day-after-day. I never went one moment without the feeling of sadness and disappointment. I am above that now, and life is very good. Sixty pounds later, I am never going back, for the glass and the jeans marked the last time being that twin on the outside looking in.

For Every Sleepless Night

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I mustn’t dare dream, for in these evenings of monotonous cold and rain, my desires of the free can only be muted. With every breath I take, the need for summer weather to return aches in my lungs like the accidental inhalation of your favorite beverage.

I close my eyes. The luminescence of computer screens accompanies the orange glow emitted from a nearby lamp as together, they cast a harmonious blend upon my face. My music hums with a light bass as the “thump, thump, thump” and joined Armin Van Buuren vocals cast me deeper into this dream, this vision of happiness, this feeling for summer. In this mind of mine so under-rug-swept, there is only so much I can offer.

I dream, I dream so deeply of the outskirts of our OSU campus – there’s a road, like out of a movie, that is straight and paralleled by farmland, animals, and wooden structures. In the late afternoon and sunset, I so desire to run this way and get to the covered bridge located at its end. And then maybe I’ll run some more until it’s night and the skies are dark. Then maybe, it’ll be you there with me under the stars – and we can lay there in our own world, on the grass, in the warm evening, entranced in this perfection.

I know what I need to do when the time is right. I know how to finally live this dream. I’ve worked so hard to get here… And now I must wait for every sleepless night to bring about the most perfect day.

Clone Me, Baby!

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Seriously! Thank God I decided to scale back the number of credits this term! With only 13 golden tokens for me to collect at the end of this ten-week adventure, this is more than level one of some 8-bit experience. This is my busiest term I have experienced in college thus far – and from my friends I hear this is only the beginning. This time around I am enrolled in Communications 114: Argument and Critical Discourse. This is a 100-level course worth three credits, yet it has a workload and grading criticality of a much higher-end class. I am so exhausted of all the work we have to do.

We have one 50-minute lecture and two 50-minute recitations a week. We have weekly quizzes over the notes every lecture and, I believe, four journals – one due about every-other week in recitation. On top of that, we have an end-of-course argument that we are constantly working towards. There are significant chunks of this project sort of thing due at intermittent weeks of the course. We are divided into groups of about four or five students – we collaborate together and decide on our own when we want to meet outside of class to work on our tasks. The majority of us are very hard workers, meeting about once a week for about two hours. However, this week we are meeting four times to make sure we get everything done – two of those get-together shindigs in one, single day – then the next the following morning at 8am. I am so exhausted.

I can almost compare the feeling I get from this course to that of starting a new job with a consistent, full shift. It’s that resistive commitment you have to get used to, and you cherish every moment you have just to rest your brain and not worry about it. In all four of my classes I have some sort of group project – with each I have to delegate my time. I need a clone, substitute, or avatar to help me out, please!