This Grand Foundation

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We are like a makeshift family. We support each other, look out for one another, and learn to live happily together. It’s become such a great bond. But it will inevitably come to an end.

We are going to graduate and return to our hometowns. Though we are so close in proximity, it’s simply not the same. Over the past two summers and winter breaks, I’ve come to feel such a lonely disconnect — a feeling that I know I will probably experience again in short time. And I’m worried about it.

I’ve grown so close to the friends around me. I love them so much. They have been my total support — and every day I think about each and every one of them and the next time I’ll get to see them. When I walk up to their porch — and make that signature ring of the doorbell — and I hear Jordan’s voice, “Come in!” — I feel so happy. I feel like I’m seeing family. It’s something that I don’t want to take for granted, because I know the day will come when things will be so different — when we become separated by distance — like when all the children grow up and move out of the house. This is when I wish time could slow down.

Today is so drastically different than the life I lived two years ago. And I am so grateful to stand where I stand. But really I would not be here if it weren’t for the friends I have — who each, in their own special way whether they know it or not, have helped put a smile on my face and a feeling of belonging in my heart. They have helped me become proud of who I am — and to create comfort in the walls of their home or in the atmosphere of the very place our group occupies. They are my grand foundation, and I never want to let them go.

Just A Day

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The past few weeks have really been an endless train. Each day is full from start to end – I don’t even know how I have been able to take a breath. School is like a thick head of hair in desperate need of a haircut… It just keeps growing and growing and I’m really looking for that chance to sit down and cut it back. It would be a lie to say that every day has been a good one; Truth is that some days, especially recently, have hit me hard. But I am surviving, and I will be okay. I just need to get things balanced — then I can redevelop my lifting strategy at the gym, re-dedicate myself, and work towards seeing further results.

Working during school is going great. I am surprised how painless it has been to manage both. I love the Hallie Ford Center. I sometimes feel too protective of it — like when students start slithering through the building and making themselves at home. One of the other few negative traits about me is that I feel compelled to please everyone — and that things need to be just right for them to be acceptable. This is slowly being curbed as I learn more about working and the everyday life at the Hallie Ford Center.

But it’s been a while since I’ve last written — so I thought I’d share something that has kept me pushing forward with my head up high.

You are who you are. Remember that you’ve made yourself to be what you are right now. Whether you are happy about it or not, staring back at your mistakes is not going to help you change. Your actions have already affected you. You will make more mistakes, so think about them now and live a proactive life that constructs you to be as you dream to be in the future. There’s nothing stopping you but yourself.

Published from my iPad.

Seek Within

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There’s something humbling, enlightening, personally special about traveling — especially adventuring alone. I’ve tried to pinpoint the reason it is this way, but it still eludes me. I can’t put my finger on it, but I can sketch the ideas that surround it.

Traveling is healing. Mentally, you are pursuing a desire to discover, and essentially you are indulging in a luxury. To travel and follow a craving to explore, you are testing yourself. I think the feeling of need to adventure on your own stems from a subconscious achievement of readiness. You are ready to physically set about. You are psychologically prepared to seek what’s mostly unknown. You are responsible in the commencement of your travel, yet you are heavily resistant to deterrents. It just feels right, and you are determined to follow through because you know you want this feeling of accomplishment. It’s this that heals you.

Heals you from what? Heals you from losing yourself — heals you from all the days you failed to recognize your next step in life — all the days you don’t enrich who you are and push for what you want from yourself.

This solo trip to Grants Pass — easily dismissed as just a hangout with friends. But I look at it as more. I feel like I’m just testing the waters. I’m indulging in this personal adventure to acknowledge readiness for the next phase… And this phase is my internship abroad. I hope it works out, but I have a higher preferred option that could possibly keep me nested happily at the Hallie Ford Center. It’s nice to be developing not just one plan, but two solid options.

I have heard from many people. They say if you have the opportunity to travel — take it, for you might not get another chance. I pass this on to you now.

This road trip I’ve taken… Now I want more. It kind of makes me long for summer break to start over again — maybe do things differently. Maybe a drive to California (scary driving!) or just take myself somewhere. But, then again, if we always dream of doing things over, we’ll forget to live the dreams yet to come. Let’s move forward.

Onward We Fall

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In about a month classes begin again. I have never been more eager for this time to come. I usually hang onto every last minute of summer, but this time it’s so different.

Working indoors from 8:30 to 5 every weekday, I suffer when I’m not outside. I crave to have the sun shine on me and to enjoy the relaxation it brings. I miss the people about, and the hangouts with friends. But I have also come to look past this and to realize how fantastic these near three months have been.

Work has not only been awesome, but also inspirational. In our everyday lives we get in sort of a rut when we travel the same path too long. And for me that path was school and unemployment. It has been pretty much the same thing every day. Classes, hang out, study a bit, hang with friends, bed, repeat. I mean I had great times with friends and all, but in general it has been the same routine. At first it’s really nice and feels great to live like that, but over time you don’t realize how much it brings you down. Working has completely reignited me — and I think this fall term at school will be the best ever.

And as for this season, I really don’t know how to explain why I crave the cooler crispness of fall. I just think about sweatshirts, hoodies, falling leaves of all sorts of colors, people on campus, coffee, tea, hanging out at a café, reading, working, applying myself. It just sounds so inviting. I think this is one of the rare summers where I can actually say I feel I made the most of it — and we’re not even done yet! There’s the road trip to Grants Pass this weekend, maybe a family outing, our grand opening at the Hallie Ford Center — who knows what else is in store! I think I am simply content with the way things are and am confident in the way they will continue to progress.

Onward we fall, in just a month, to another stage of our lives — where people return, the lights go on, and we get down to work and to building memories. I am so ready to make this the best.

Image provided by Oregon State University