I think you’ve figured me out by now — I am a total sunshine/warm weather advocate; I think many people are. I feel like last year at this time we were having back-to-back nice, sunny days. I remember our intramural softball games out in the grass fields, enduring the heat. I also remember going to astronomy class and I would be sweating. Though, I was also obese and terribly out of cardiovascular condition, and thus, was incapable of cooling my own body down. But the fact here is that over half of spring term last year was filled with outdoor-friendly weather. But this year it’s so different — and now that I’m more fit and actually desire to be outside as much as possible, the tides have turned and I’m restricted by this distasteful weather. The rest of this week is supposed to be back in the 50-degree area with rain/showers. Snow in the Quad last year?… So sunny and hot. This year’s forcast?… Miserable.

The weather also throws off my internal clock. I feel like I am still adjusting to the increasing length of daylight; I still have numerous times when I look outside and think it’s 6pm and it is actually 8pm. It is a lot easier when the skies are clear and the sun shines bright. But with these blankets of clouds and induced cold weather, I can’t really adapt to this change. I feel like I keep waiting day after day for when we finally have continuously nice days — and I completely am astounded when I step back and realize that we only have about one month left of spring term — one month!

I still think back to when I jumped out of that little airplane in Oahu. It was really right after that did I start having a completely different take on life. It was such a good change, and I think back to why I wasn’t scared when I crouched at that open door looking down to over 9000 feet of emptiness below me, I have some feeling that it was almost a calling. Everything changed after that, and I am so happy I left my old self behind in that tiny plane. Life is amazing, and there are so many things I want to accomplish as the new person I am. Let’s follow our adventurous minds!

I shudder thinking about how I used to be last school year. I was unsociable, cranky — and honestly, even depressed. I remember during a little quarrel with Bryce, he was lecturing my crabby self over how I took things too seriously and got all upset over the smallest things. It was a heated “conversation” — and he slipped up in his words and said, “That’s why nobody likes you.” Of course, I completely understand this now (and Bryce was correct, although riled up in discussion and did exaggerate) and I nod on that past as a very difficult time for me — but things flip-flopped in my life now like the contrast between yin and yang. I wanted to be like the others — the runners, the basketballers, the frisbee’ers in the park — the smiling faces without worry of their image. I longed for change but I stumbled over the frustration of beginning such an endeavor. I wanted to be the person I was on the inside, trapped in a body of obesity and modesty. I was emotionally strained, upset, and downright fed up with my lack of taking control of my own body.

I had extreme pent-up craziness — I really was going mad! That’s actually how this blog got started. I couldn’t bottle up what I was suffering anymore — and I really didn’t have the ability to share it with anyone. If you go way back in the archives from October 2008 and on, you will find poetic postings with no real meaning. They meant something to me, but those who read them were only thrown into a greater confusion why I was writing these and not just saying what I felt out loud; I got lots of criticism and made my social situation even worse. I couldn’t say my thoughts out loud because it was a war I was fighting with myself, and thus my postings were in a language only I could comprehend. I am so different now… I go back and read some I wrote and can’t figure out what I meant anymore. And then even now I go to write something poetic and there just isn’t anything to rant about in twisted words. I suppose that’s a good thing.

Anyway… I started talking about weather and wound up droning on about my life. There’s definitely a connection between the two. So let’s pray for the sun to shine and for life to carry on as bright as the perfect day.